November 21, 2006 - Almost done with this week

Hi everyone-

Jim's treatment is going well this week. They shortened his chemo sit time down to 2 hours yesterday, which meant he was only at the Vince from 11-5. Even though it takes all day, that's better than it has been over the last couple of phases. He has to sit at the Vince on Mondays because one of his chemo drugs, Avastin, is very strong and people can have adverse reactions to it. He seems to handle it well.

Jim's blood levels are all completely normal (hooray!), so that's great. Actually, Dr. Haid said that he looks wonderful, despite the fact that he has advanced colon cancer. To look at him, you'd never know - he's so strong and healthy looking.

Jim was tired today and took a nap. Tuesdays are normally a bit tiresome for him, and Wednesday is the sick day. We're attempting to go to my parent's house for Thanksgiving. If he's not feeling up to it, they can come down here.

I've had a harder time than Jim this week. I had a bit of a meltdown at church on Sunday. I don't know what I was thinking, but I suddenly felt very angry that this happened to Jim. You know, these things never happen to us...they always happen to "someone else". I guess this time we're the "someone else". Anyway, I want God to heal Jim. Completely. Why do some people get healed and others don't? I'm not sure, but I do know that if leading a good life and being kind to others is the criteria, then Jim should be first in the healing line. Life just isn't fair. Why can't disease strike only bad people? I'm very snappish and angry this week.

Our friends the Zilners sent us a great book called Glass Houses, written by a Stage 4 colon cancer survivor from Rochester, NY. I read the whole thing in one day. On some levels it seems that Jim is so far ahead of the game. I don't know if Jim ever doubts that he can beat it. He's so CALM. It's one of the things I love most about him. Oh, to have that kind of self-confidence! The author of Glass Houses had to get past a lot of denial and anger in order to help herself. I thought it was a very candid book. She was diagnosed at 36 years old. They gave her 5 months. She wrote the book 6 years later.

We found out yesterday that Jim gets his first CT scan the week of December 11th. We're not sure what day yet. Dr. Haid said that he'd be pleased if we just saw a stabilization of things. I'd be pleased if we saw a 50% reduction in tumor size, but I guess it's not up to me. We were sort of hoping to put it off until after Christmas, but he needs to have the scan in between chemo cycles.

The pump comes out tomorrow and then he has a blessed week and a half off. I can't wait. I hate to see him sick.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving.