40 Days of Yoga

It's another beautiful day in Wisconsin. I thought I'd update the blog to let everyone know that I am, in fact, not sitting in the basement huddled in a corner nursing a bottle of ripple.

The blog is very cathartic for me. Thank you to those of you who wrote or responded in some way. It means a lot to me. Once I got it all off my chest I started feeling better. Don't get me wrong - I am still very upset about the situation and I am hurting for that family. But I didn't want everyone to think that I'd completely come apart at the seams, either. :)

I have been doing a yoga experiment. It was originally supposed to be a plan wherein I change my entire life through yoga, changing my eating habits, meditation, and journaling. So far I've managed to do some yoga, lots of meditation, a little journaling - but the changing my eating habits thing has gone right out the window. (Obviously eating right isn't my focus if I told you that I went through a box of Wheat Thins, string cheese, and a bottle of wine in a single day.)

In any case, the meditation and journaling have led me to an interesting realization, which is that perhaps I am not living my ideal life here in Kohler. This life was ideal for me when Jim was here. But it isn't anymore. Kohler, in all it's adorableness, is rife with married couples. Which is wonderful, but it's not exactly a dating mecca. Although there is SO much to love about Wisconsin, the winters really aren't my thing. One of my meltdowns this winter included a school day when it seemed EVERYONE'S husband was out scraping snow off their cars. Jim would have been out there in a heartbeat. But, he's gone now. We worked really hard to set up the life we have here. This was our ideal. But now I'm on my own with two kids. Everywhere I look is another reminder of what I've lost.

Eric and I recently took a trip out to San Francisco to visit my brother Tom. I love it out in California. The weather is always gorgeous. Admittedly, Tom leads a totally different life than me. He lives in North Beach. His apartment looks out on to Alcatraz. Literally, it's amazing. I wouldn't want to live in the city with two kids. I did that in Atlanta with Jim and Rachel, and I really didn't relish it. So I started looking for some place to move that has better weather, a reasonable cost of living, and that would be good for my kids. The real factor, though, is that I need to find a place that my parents will consider as well.

I meditated on it quite a bit. Rachel is named after my Great-Aunt Rachel. She lives in southern Oregon. My mom is always raving about Auntie Rachel and her cousin Stephanie. I wondered why they like it there and I started doing my research. I contacted Stephanie and she and her husband Joe have given me all sorts of information. More importantly, when I called mom and dad and asked if they would ever consider a move to Oregon, they said "Sure!" I nearly fell over. After all, their retirement home is here.

Even more amazing? I wrote my brother Kevin and his wife Becky to see if they would ever consider leaving the Twin Cities in favor of Oregon, and they said "Sure!"

I made reservations in a cute little town to rent a house this summer. We're ALL going to check it out. I can't wait.

I don't know that Oregon is the change I'm looking for. I could get out there and hate it. I've never been there before. I actually worried that I would be running away from my life here (see? sometimes I'm rational) and I spoke to the therapist about it. You know what she said? She said "Kate, it actually sounds like a very rational plan. In fact, if you like it, if I was you I'd consider moving before next summer." She said it sounds less like I'm running away from something and more like I'm running toward a new life. She said that as long as I stay here, there's a chance I will hold out hope that I could resume my old life. Yes, I get that. I hold that hope every single day.

I'm on Day 22 of the 40 Days experiment. I haven't lost a single pound. But I'm trying new things. I stumble and fall, then I get myself back up and try again. I'm meditating and going to class. If I shed a lifestyle that seems to be weighing me down, does that count as losing weight?