September 17

Every year I try and make sure I do something meaningful on September 17. This year was no exception. My brother Tom asked if I wanted to meet him in London, England. He was going on business, so we ran around a few days before his meeting started. I thank Tom for such an offer - I wouldn't have thought to do something so special on my own and it was nice to be with Tom to celebrate Jim's life.

We had such fun. I arrived there the morning of September 17, jet-lagged but thrilled to be there nonetheless. Stepping off the Tube and into Piccadilly Circus reminded me of the previous trips I'd taken with Jim. The fun and the sense of adventure we'd had. And I wondered what took me so long to get back to Europe. I truly love it.

The first time Jim and I went to Europe, we decided to go to Rome after Christmas. I got cheap tickets and called Jim at the office one day. A bit hesitantly I said "Um. You know how we always say we're going to Europe but we never do?" ... [suspicious pause on the other end of the phone] ... "Yes?" ... "Well, I bought us some tickets to Rome. We're going to be there for New Years." ... [sigh] "Okay. That sounds fun!"

Jim wasn't sure what he'd signed up for, but when he saw the Colosseum he was off his rocker with excitement. Something about the Colosseum really clicked in his mind (luckily we went to the Colosseum first!) and he realized that this was a really fabulous thing to do. We had a marvelous time in Rome. We chose one major tourist attraction to see per day. But otherwise we hung out in the cafes and little restaurants, ate great food, took walks, shopped, napped, and drank coffee. That was it. A simple trip that was beyond awesome. We saw all the major sights but we didn't try to cram so much in that it wasn't fun.

This was my fourth time in London so Tom and I didn't try and see the sights. We walked, talked, shopped, and ate fabulous food. We spent hours at Portobello and Camden Markets, and an entire afternoon looking at books on Charing Cross Road. It was the kind of trip I loved to take with Jim, where we didn't have a schedule. We just did...whatever...and tried to soak it all in.

I miss Jim every single day. Literally not a day goes by when I don't feel the ache, the hole in my heart that seems to never shrink. I see Jim reflected in my kids. In my home. I hear his words and think of his soft arms wrapped around me. I so miss him. I hope that I am honoring his memory and keeping him alive for my kids. I have better memories than they do, so I always hope that I appropriately convey to the kids the truly stellar man that their father was.

I still miss you every day, Lambchop. I love you. Thanks for the adventures that we had together - they mean so much to me.