One step forward, two steps back

I'm writing today with a bit of a heavy heart. This is the cancer dance. One step forward, two steps back. We were really riding high on the cryoablation wave, but we received disappointing news this week. Unfortunately, Jim is not responding well to his new chemo. He's had some disease progression. He's got a few new spots in his liver, and new spots on his abdominal wall. Needless to say, we are heartbroken.

We've had a little time to adjust to the news, and we're ready to keep moving forward. Of course we're disappointed, but I think forward movement is key in this scenario. So, that being said, we have an appointment in Madison on Thursday. Jim did not receive treatment today because if he's eligible for a new clinical trial, he needs to have a period of time between his last treatment and any new treatment.

We've opted to go to Madison at this point because they have more clinical trials available (they are very research heavy), and they have an excellent reputation. We are still working with Sloan Kettering as well, and at this point we're waiting to find out when they can schedule us for our next appointment there. We're also investigating other options - Northwestern, and possibly Mayo. We obviously think the world of Dr. Haid and the treatment that we're getting here. It's first class medical care; however, we still have to bear in mind that it is Sheboygan, and there are other things available at bigger centers. Dr. Haid has encouraged us to go back to Sloan Kettering. He's supporting us every step of the way with Madison, and anywhere else we choose to go.

The bad news is that we aren't going to get to hear "No Evidence of Disease" as early as we'd like. The good news is that we're not at the end of the possible treatment rope, we're just at the end in Sheboygan. And even then, we can make a few new cocktails of previously used drugs. But I think we're at the point where Dr. Haid would like to call in reinforcements.

So, we're off in a new direction. As far as we're concerned, things need to stay as normal as possible for the kids. Jim will still be going to work when he's not receiving treatment. Rachel will continue with ballet and Jake will continue screeching while he gets new teeth. I will continue bossing everyone around, as usual. I think the normalcy and routine is one of the most important factors in our overall quality of life. Life goes on. Cancer will not stop us. Cancer may try to set up roadblocks, but we will persevere. And we will win. Not winning is not an option for us.

Disease progression causes a flood of new fears. It brings back a lot of the fears we had when Jim was diagnosed. But I think the thing to remember is that overcoming the odds and perfection are two of Jim's specialties. My number one fear at this point is that Jim will lose faith or fall into depression. This is sort of like kicking a guy who is already down. But obviously cancer doesn't know who it's dealing with. It picked the wrong household. And it doesn't get to stay for long.