Holy s%^&

Holy S#$% were the first two words out of my mouth in the doctor's office today. Well, actually my first words were "Hello Dr. Holen." BUT, after that, you wouldn't believe what unfolded. Dr. Holen came in, said "Yep, we need to change your regimen. Your doctor was right on the money." THEN he said "I actually can't believe you're here today. The trial that you're interested in is opening back up tomorrow. There are only 19 spots open worldwide. I think we can get you in."

Our jaws dropped. We were speechless. (Well, Jim was...I was for only around 3 seconds before I said "Holy s#$%!") Even Dr. Holen seemed pretty stunned at the timing of it all. Or he may have been stunned at my bad manners. But I apologized profusely. And wouldn't you feel free to take a little poetic license if all this happened to you? Not just the pressure of cancer, but the events that have happened in the last week or so? Come on. Admit it. It's more than a little wierd. It's Godsent.

We were on edge while driving down to Madison. We just didn't know where it was going to go. Dr. Holen said that we could most definitely try the traditional chemo cocktail, but they are all pretty much drugs that Jim has tried but haven't been stunners. Of course making a different mix could change how they work, but the trial drug that we're interested in is something completely new. This is a drug that works in a totally different way, and that's what we need right now. We can always pull out of trial and go back on traditional chemo.

I can't escape the overwhelming feeling that we're being led in this direction. Maybe I'm grasping at straws, but at this point, I need something to believe in. I think we all do. I believe that Jim is in a better place mentally. He's up to the fight. He's ready to continue on treating the cancer aggressively. It's chances like this...it's being in a good mental place...it's the potential for complete healing. We can continue on. We can keep going. We can win.