Drained the ascites today

Today was a relatively good day in cancerland. We've had two nausea free mornings after the TPN, which is wonderful. We're not sure what to attribute that to - but we changed his anti-nausea routine and he stopped taking one of his antibiotics. So hopefully one of those two things is what fixed it.

Jim had the ascites drained from his abdomen, and they took off a liter and a half of fluid. That was enough to bring down swelling and make it easier for him to breathe. The nurses were so awesome today. They really made him feel good. And one of the oncology nurses that we truly love came and visited and talked to us for quite a while.

Jim has the stent put in tomorrow. It's a slightly more complicated procedure than today's, so we'll be at the hospital for a bit longer because they have to use conscious sedation. When he has the ascites drained he takes a nap while they do it and they just give him a local. He hasn't been responding very well to conscious sedation - it's been making him nauseated. But he's only experienced that at Northwestern, so we're hoping that they just have the right anesthesia mix for him in Sheboygan, since he's never experienced nausea here.

Jim was feeling well enough to read Rachel a short story tonight. That made us all happy. Rachel was delighted. It's nice to get to see Jim doing things with the kids - even something as simple as reading a story means a lot to the kids. Of course at this point we can't let Jake get too near Jim because he's going through a biting and hitting stage and he doesn't seem to know his own strength. This kid is a handful. He's just like his father. Smart, cool as a cucumber, and an unparalleled wit.

We're still praying for our miracle. It seems that Jim is able to go longer between pain medications right now, so my brain is working a mile a minute wondering if perhaps the microspheres really are at work and giving him some pain relief. If that's the case he may feel up to making the trip to Chicago, which would be exciting.

Everything is so...crazy. Cancer changes all our plans. Even the very shortest term plans. But you know what? If I have to change my plan every 30 minutes for the rest of my life so we can keep Jim healthy, by gosh I'll do it.

Sometimes I feel desperate and I want to squeeze out as much time as I can with him. Sometimes I feel good and I know that we didn't waste any time in the 12 years we've been married. We've packed more into our 12 years than some people pack into 50. We've had all kinds of adventures, trials, fun, made mistakes, and mostly - it's been 12 years of love. I've been blessed to have Jim in my life every day. I am blessed to spend time with him now. In many ways, I believe that my life started when I met Jim. I'd always struggled on family vacations as my parents were together and my brothers were together...and then there was me. The moment Jim came into my life I knew that he belonged. My family knew it too. Jim and I met and fell in love in the course of a few weeks. I just knew. Cancer completely stinks, and this is the most painful event of my entire life. But if I had to do it all again to spend one more day with Jim, I would. It's been the best 12 years of my life. Believe me, I'm going to try and squeeze another 12 out of him. I'm praying for that miracle.