Oh great, *now* we meet Rob

As I may have mentioned one or 600 times before - moving to Sheboygan was quite an adjustment for me. I was overwhelmed with the whole Kohler-Stepford-Stay-At-Home-Mom thing. I was fresh off Atlanta, and I'd just given up an terrifical job that I'd only had for six weeks. Before that I'd spent 5 years at a great company where I learned a lot. I was tenative about staying home, and although I was glad to make the move, I was also nervous about moving out of a big city and into...Sheboygan. Sheboygan just doesn't have the same ring to it as Atlanta, or Boston, or Chicago, or even...Cincinnati.

Anyway, I was terrified that I'd immediately turn into one of those suburban mothers that scrapbooks, watches The Wiggles and enjoys it, drives a minivan stocked with 10 kids (while singing to The Wiggles on the way to soccer), watches Guiding Light and Oprah faithfully, and has nothing to do but talk about her neighbors. Well in actuality I've only taken on scrapbooking, watching the Wiggles and enjoying it, singing to the Wiggles in the car on the way to soccer, and watching Oprah. And all that didn't happen immediately. I can't watch Oprah faithfully. It's on during the witching hour.

So during my adjustment to the whole Sheboygan thing, I attended a mom's group here called MOPS. I met a lot of nice girls at MOPS. When Jim fell sick, the MOPS moms (among others) did a lot of nice things for me, including making us meals, writing us cards, calling, taking the kids, etc. When Jodi started writing me cards, I thought "wow, that's really nice". Jodi was one of the women at MOPS that I suspected was right up my alley. Her hair is super cute and it was her hairdresser that first cut my hair here in Sheboygan. The first time I met her she had on a denim skirt and knee high boots - hardly the suburban sweatpants I feared I'd find. But MOPS only meets once a month so it's not like I knew Jodi well at all. Her cards really meant a lot to me, though - she consistently sent cards to ME, not to Jim, which was nice because (as it should have been) 99% of the attention was focused on Jim. And she sent them once a week or once every couple of weeks.

Jodi has mentioned a couple of times that her husband is very handy, and she's offered his services for things like finishing the basement or helping out with the kitchen. Now, I know that there are a lot of handy guys out there, but I suspect that there are a number of guys that think they're handy, and believe that they're handy, but they certainly aren't Jim. Jim really was handy. A couple of weeks ago Jodi made the offer again, but this time, her offer came after an offhanded remark that Rob was building her an extra kitchen in her basement for her cake business. Building her an extra kitchen? Okay, this guy knows what he's doing.

So I took Jodi and Rob up on their offer for help. And right when Rob walked up to the door, I knew it was a good decision. I'd met Rob at Jim's memorial service, but I didn't remember because I was an emotional wreckage zone at the time. When Rob walked up to the house on Saturday morning, I felt a sear of happiness and sadness. He was carrying a bucket full of tools, with a much-used bucket buddy. Jim carried everything in a bucket with a bucket buddy, same as his father does. To me it's the mark of a guy that knows what he's doing. (At least a worn looking bucket buddy - don't try and pass your services off with a brand-new bucket buddy...) Rob had a Jim-type flannel shirt on, and he started to work almost immediately with my Dad as his helper. (Jim always said my Dad was a great helper - just don't ask him to do the job on his own...)

Jodi and Rob brought their two sweet girls, and Rachel was thrilled - they played together really nicely. In fact, they played so nicely that we all got to sit and talk for a moment after Rob and my Dad finished. And I found it humorous - Rob was there to unhook the sink and stove top, but he just couldn't resist picking away a little at the countertops to see how hard it would be to get those off - same as Jim would have done - they are always curious about the kind of quality that someone else puts into a project....and it's normally never up to their standards.

As we talked I was so conflicted. I see in Jodi the potential for a great friend. But I also saw that Rob would have been a wonderful friend for Jim. Quality matters. Trips to Home Depot are fun. A single project might involve a dozen trips to Home Depot. (I'm not sure why, since we know that these guys are really good at what they do - you'd think they'd know everything they need before they start the project.) They both have that distinctly engineering quality to them. And goodness gracious, they live next door to Jodi's parents. In my entire life I've only known two guys who could live next to their in-laws - Jim, and Rob. (Although Jim never lived next door to my parents, we did live in their basement for 6 months while we had our first house built.)

I felt conflicted wondering why I'd never worked up the nerve to call Jodi before all this happened. And conflicted because if Jim hadn't gotten sick, she would never have started writing me cards and I wouldn't have had the opportunity for this friendship. If only I'd called her in the beginning, Jim and Rob could have met. And I know they would have liked each other. Jim was selective with his friendships. He was friendly to everyone, but he was true friends with a pretty small group. Rob would have been one of those guys. I just know it.

And truthfully, sometimes it can be hard to find couple friends. You know, you like one but not the other. (Although usually with us people put up with me so they could hang out with Jim! Just kidding. Sort of.) We have some very nice couple friends here - in fact, Ken and Biz came over to take out the countertops in the afternoon, and that's because their wives gave up an entire afternoon with their spouses so they could come over and rip out my annoying countertops. And by the way, Rob pointed out that the countertops weren't put in right, and even I knew where the mistake was - the previous owner laid down the luan, then screwed it down from the top, then put on the mastic and the tile. They should have screwed the luan down from underneath, then applied the mastic and the tile on top - that way the screws would have been accessible to take the countertops off if need be. And I know that because...that's how Jim did it in our first house in Atlanta. :) Sometimes it looks like I'm not paying attention but actually I am. Anyway, that made it a lot harder for Ken, Biz and my dad.

I wish Jim had met Rob. I wish I had called Jodi earlier. Do you ever see someone and know they have potential to be a friend? Instead of chickening out of calling them, go ahead and call them. You're supposed to. I believe we come across people at points in our lives for a reason. I believe I let Jodi and Rob go too long. Jim never got to meet Rob and I know there could have been a great friendship there. I am blessed that I still have a chance with Jodi.

So quit chickening out. You're meant to call new friends. We always have enough room in our lives for new friends.