Drive it like you stole it
I'm going through another phase. I am now constantly (and annoyingly, I imagine) reminding my friends that they should amp up whatever relationship they have with their husbands.
So rather than consistently harp on my best girlfriends about what they should be doing with their husbands, I thought I'd broadcast it on the blog so everyone can listen to me preach. For heaven's sakes, ladies. You might have a headache tonight, but he might be diagnosed with cancer tomorrow.
I made my friends kind of laugh (also, maybe groan in annoyance) the other night when I imparted my worldy words of wisdom - I told them they should "drive it like they stole it". Cause you know what? You just don't know. You just don't know. Do you really have the luxury of forgoing an extra hug, and extra kiss, an extra afternoon delight? I am here to tell you...no, you do not.
What I wouldn't give for one more day with Jim. For one more hug. For one more passionate kiss from someone I love and who loves me. For sex with someone that I am comfortable with - someone who loves me and finds me attractive even though after having two kids, my body isn't pristine as it used to be.
Jim was so sick starting around the end of June that he was bent over a lot. It was too painful for him to stand up straight. Right around then is when he stopped being able to hug us. He just couldn't bear it. He couldn't hold the kids. The best he could do was hold hands. The most intimate moments toward the end were with all of us - me, his parents, his sister, my parents, and our friends the Sentis. Our friend Ken taught us how to wrap his legs in ace bandages to take some of the pressure off of them from the swelling. And those were truly intimate moments, but not the kind we hope for in a marriage, believe me.
I know, I know. It's easy for me to talk. Life gets in the way, dealing with work and the kids makes you tired. But you chose your spouse, hopefully, because you wanted more than a roommate. I'm the voice of experience. Drive it like you stole it, people. You won't regret it.
posted by Kate at 6:36 PM
8 Comments:
Thanks for the reminder! Can't wait to see you!
Love,
Sara
7:39 PM
I have to say that in all honesty since I have been reading your blog I have been making sure I give kisses and hugs at bedtime and when Mike leaves for work in the morning because you never know and you have reminded me of that for so long now so THANK YOU!! I am still working on the headache/exhaustion part but the kiss, hug, and mention of appreciation keep me at peace.
Thank you again for everything,
Christy
11:14 PM
Kate, you're right....it's so true. I love reading your blogs, and so does Carrie....I'm forwarding this to Carrie to read...
Alex Pieper
9:00 AM
Truly good advice. Since Jimmy died, I often wonder "If something happened to Mark or the kids today, would they leave the earth knowing that I love them?" It's easier with the kids - you take care of them practically 24/7, they take it for granted your love is unconditional. But spouses are trickier. That's one thing you won't ever have to wonder - Jimmy knew. Hugs and kisses flowed freely in your house. Not sure I want to know if my little brother and his wife drove it like you stole it ;-), but I could tell you definitely had a fine appreciation for the car parked in your driveway! Hugs.
9:20 AM
Nickelback has a song "Far Away" that never fails to put a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. Today when I heard it, I thought of your post.
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
2:28 PM
Fine advice. I think I will take it.
Thanks,
Kim
3:40 PM
I read a few of your blogs but it brings back so many tough memories. I went to high school with Jim and we hung out with the same people. I heard at our reunion that Jim was sick but didn't know he died until just recently. I didn't really keep in touch with anyone much after I got married and when my husband died from brain cancer I shut myself off from almost everyone. It was one of the hardest things I ever went through in my life. My kids were 5,6 & 8 when their dad died and it still breaks my heart not having my partner here to watch how they have grown into teenagers. I can so appreciate what you say in your blogs. No one quite gets it though unless they have gone through it. I was very fortunate to marry a wonderful man who was dedicated to his wife and kids. It was 7 years this past October. Sometimes it feels like yesterday and sometimes it feels like many moons ago. For me it has never gotten easier, I have just learned how to cope with life in a different way. A huge part of me was taken away when he died. I have so much compassion for you in my heart. We talk about my husband all the time and keep him alive in our hearts. I feel for your kids too because I know first hand what it is like for children to lose a dad. I am so glad that you have posted to others to appreciate what is right there in front of them. I think it is hard to understand that until something happens that makes you realize it. I wish I had some magical advice to relieve your grief but I don't. Hang in there and my thoughts are with you
12:45 AM
I just wanted to say one more thing to you-I wish I would have written my thoughts out like you did-I don't know if I even could have. So much of what you write is exactly what I felt and still do most days. That life time partner is gone and I hate it. Last year my kids said to me-"Mom-you never smile" I felt awful but it is so true. I never really had time to grieve all at once as I had 3 little kids to raise and I never left them for so many years. Take time for yourself so you don't go crazy as I felt like I was so many times. And it is so hard to hear your kids say things like "My dad died" or last year when my then 13 year old daughter asked me who would walk her down the aisle when she got married. I get so upset at the injustice of it all. Why did someone so appreciative of life and his family have to leave? I still wonder why him and why us. It is not fair. I will tell you that your kids will be able to deal with life in a much different way than most kids. Again-hang in there and my thoughts are with you
12:59 AM
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