35 today

I turned 35 years old today. I look like I'm over 50. I thought all my age would appear from carousing and doing foolish things, but I seem to have accumulated some serious age over the last year. I told one of the nurses at the Vince tonight that I'm 35 and she didn't believe me. How scary is that?!?!

It was a good birthday. I went to coffee with my girlfriends today. They bought me a donut and put a candle in it. Then they and every senior citizen in the village of Kohler sang me Happy Birthday. It was pretty cool. All the seniors were there for their coffee as well - they have free coffee at Woodlake Market!

It was a good day. Last year Jim started treatment on October 23rd, so my birthday wasn't so great. I did not want it to be the same this year. I got some cleaning done. Visited with friends. Pastor Kirby's wife, Gail, and her two daughters made me an ice cream cake. (Ooh la la it was layered - delicious!) And I went to the Patients' Advisory Committee Meeting at the Vince. And after that I received the training for coaching caretakers or grief partners. I was glad I signed up to do that. Even though I know my friends would have taken care of me, I feel like I did something really productive and positive with my time. I decided how to make the best use of my birthday. My birthday has never been a huge event, but last year was a little disappointing - not because of Jim, of course - but because I hurt for Jim. This year I felt a little more in control and it was another scenario where I didn't want to wait and let the day happen to me. I wanted to decide how it would play out. And I did. And I feel good about it.

Each new thing that happens without Jim is tough. But I marched into today determined to have it go my way - not the way of the wind. So I count today as a small success. Now if I could just convince people that I'm not 50...