The best things about being a grown-up

I had a happy childhood, as did Jim. But we both very much enjoyed the autonomy of being adults.

Shortly after we were married, Jim set me free of a 'guilty' from my childhood. I'd poured a glass of milk that was bigger than I could drink. My parents were the type that put my milk in the fridge and made me drink it later. (My parents started out with next-to-nothing, so they tend to the cheap from time to time.) While I debated what to do with my extra milk, Jim looked at me and said "Pour it down the drain. You don't have to drink it." Ta-da! Lightbulb moment. Geez, I'm a grown-up now. I can do what I want.

Doing what we want has limits, of course. Although, admittedly, I probably exceeded my limits more often than Jim.

This weekend I decided to make one of my grown-up decisions. For the last four years, Jim and I have always stayed in the same bedroom at my parents' house. It's the biggest bedroom - it has a king size bed. We also put Rachel in there in her own teeny little log bed (which is ultra cute). Jim LOVED sleeping in the king size bed. I HATED it. We sleep in a queen size at home. So whenever he had the chance to spread out and move into his own territory, Jim took it. I would move aaaaalllllllll the way over to his side of the bed for attention, and he'd shoo me away. More than once this led to a minor squabble over bed space.

I'm also allergic to the room or something in the room that we stayed in all these years. I never asked to move into another guest room because Jim loved the bed and the room. But the allergies would get so bad that by the end the trip I'd be on anti-allergens 24 hours a day. We stayed in a different room one time and Jim demanded that we move out the next day because he said he was allergic to that room. So we moved back into the room that I'm allergic to - and he was happy again.

Whenever we pack for the cabin, I have one bag, Rachel has one bag, Jake has one bag, and Jim always had two to four bags. Two bags, and we're talking big bags, was packing light for Jim. He liked to have a huge assortment of flannel shirts and wool sweaters from which to choose. He'd bring multiple pairs of shoes, socks to match everything, and a few pairs of jeans. Plus his running clothes. He rarely ever ran at the cabin, but he liked to have the stuff just in case the urge to run came over him. And he liked to have reading material. Jim barely ever read, but he liked to have the books just in case the urge to read came over him. Plus his slippers, two or three jackets, and a fleece. Plus his rain gear. So Jim liked the big room at the cabin so that he could spread out all of his stuff. And for such a neat guy, Jim could really get slobby at the cabin. I think he was excited about all the space.

We went to my parents' house this weekend. Rachel and I put our stuff down in the same room - partly out of habit. We stayed in that room the first night. I was miserable and sneezing by morning. But more than that, I felt r-e-a-l-l-y sad in that huge king size bed without Jim. I didn't even like sleeping in it when Jim was there, forget sleeping in it alone. Now I'm just taking up 1/4 of this massive bed. And, funny, I still sleep in the same spot at the edge of the bed next to the nightstand. I imagine if rolls were reversed, Jim would have been spread out in the middle of the bed.

So it finally occurred to me: I don't have to sleep in that bed just because Jim liked it. I don't like that room, and I'm hogging up a huge bed that either one of my brothers and their significant others would be delighted to have. So I finally explained all this to my Mom, and we moved into a different room. Rachel was very resistant. She kept asking me when we were moving back to the big room. I explained that we weren't moving back and adjustments take time, she'd get over it.

But you know what? Rachel didn't get creeped out in the smaller room. She didn't get into bed with me in the middle of the night. My allergies weren't nearly as bad. I felt good sleeping in a smaller bed.

My brother and his wife visited my parents and the three of us at the cabin this weekend. We had a great time with them there. They are awesome with Rachel and Jake. And they were so happy to sleep in the king size bed. Yippee!

It's little changes. I don't have to do things just because we always did them that way. I was sad up north this weekend without Jim. There are little signs of him everywhere. Even looking at the trees and the lake made me sad without him. Riding on the pontoon boat was sad. Being in that big huge room without Jim and his masses of luggage was sad. But I took one little step to make things easier for me. I love being a grown-up.