Don't want to go it alone

My niece posted a blog a while ago with song lyrics that really get to me. It's an unlikely source - a band called Nickelback. I'd heard the song a few times, and I knew right what song my niece was talking about when she posted it. Nickelback is not a group I would normally listen to, because, well, I'm not cool. But this song seems to fit. The chorus is:

`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.

`Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere.
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

We all know that Valentines Day is a fake holiday. It shouldn't matter. For me and Jim, it really didn't. We weren't much into celebrating contrived little holidays like that. Love was something I thought Jim and I celebrated every day. Not like we were ultra lovey dovey every day, but I still don't think we wasted love. In any case, I had a date for last night but a stomach virus swept through my household and I couldn't go.

Valentine's Day mattered this year. I'm not sure if it's because I ended up sitting there with my parents watching a movie last night, or because I'm without my spouse, or because I got sick, or because I didn't get the choice to go out. One of my many, many, many pet peeves is feeling like I don't have a choice. I didn't have a choice last night and that annoyed me.

There's something distinctly wrong with sitting in with your parents on Valentine's Day. And even worse - my parents have a very healthy relationship. (Read: they drive it like they stole it and have been for 40 years...) So I doubt quite seriously that sitting there with their stomach virused daughter was high on their agenda! Although - Jim and I took after them in that aspect - they don't place a high priority on a fake holiday because they live love every day. So maybe it was just another day to them.

My folks were in town because there was a Father-Daughter dance at the school and my Dad took Rachel. It was really sweet. He was very honored - he bought her a beautiful little necklace and a corsage. He wore a suit and she wore a cute little party dress. They looked adorable! I am so grateful that he was here to take her. She didn't seem to notice that he was the only grandfather there. Which I guess is a good thing. They went with a little group of friends - my friends Ken, Mark and Tom and their daughters. My Dad knows all those guys and their wives so it was nice that he got to go and didn't have to hang out alone. Especially because he said that they got to the dance and Rachel dropped him like a hot rock! Apparently she danced one or two dances with him and spent the rest of the time in a kindergarten conga line. How nice that I have such a resilient child. A girl that appreciates her family and is just happy to be doing the things everyone else gets to do. She was delighted being there with her Grandpop. She didn't mention her father, but I know he must have been on her mind. This weekend she asked me a few questions about cremation and why I wear his ashes in a necklace.

I know I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, but I also know I don't want to settle. I gotta tell ya, there's a lot of mediocrity out there. Which is hard to accept once you've had the best. I don't want my kids to grow up without a significant male role model. It's a good thing I have my parents here. And that's the thing. My father is among the most dynamic male role models I can think of. He's pure gold. As was Jim. Where in the world will I ever find someone like that again? When I do find it, will I feel good about not celebrating a fake holiday again? Because this is ridiculous. Who cares about Valentine's Day? I do. I do for me, I do for my kids. It's all about perspective.