Going back

I have moved 13 times since I was a kid. My parents sort of started a thing where once we move, we just cut all ties and go. We never go back to visit friends. It just makes the transition harder. If you keep hanging on to what and who you knew at your last home, you won't be able to move forward and make friends at your new home. So I have pretty much adhered to that until this past weekend.

My first visit back to Atlanta. I went to stay with my friends Paul and Sara. They have come to visit us multiple times, but I just haven't been back to Atlanta. I decided it was finally time.

Sara knows my rule and thusly got a bit nervous when we turned onto my old street. (We know Paul and Sara because they used to live directly across the street from us.) I was excited to see our old house. When we pulled up I cried. The young woman who lives there now has put a lot of work into it. It looks just beautiful. She has really brought the house to it's full potential - just as I knew it could be. It is the cutest little cape cod. It just oozed potential when we bought it. I cried because my first thought was "Oh! I can't wait to call Jim!"...of course he's not here to call. Although other people saw the house as we worked on it, I don't think they can comprehend all the planning and discussions and love we had for that house. (Me perhaps a bit more than Jim.) We really spent a lot of time walking around the neighborhood, looking at houses, thinking about where we wanted to go with the house. Of course we opted to leave Atlanta for a better quality of life in WI. But there was so much emotion wrapped in that house. Rachel was born in Atlanta - that was her first home. We put a lot of blood sweat and tears into the kitchen. (Jim perhaps a bit more than me.) We had such plans for the upstairs. I think Jim was the only one that could understand the emotion I felt when I saw the house for the first time in nearly 4 years.

Being in Atlanta didn't make me sad like I thought it would. Jim was r.e.a.l.l.y. over Atlanta by the time we left. The week before we left we were sitting in our living room and watched a homeless guy steal Rachel's purple plastic ball off our front lawn. Why any grown man would want a purple plastic ball I have no idea, but that pretty much capped off our years in Atlanta for Jim. He always thought there were too many people in Atlanta. Personally I loved it. I loved all the action in the city. It was calming for me to hear the traffic, the sirens, and know there were people around all the time.

This winter I have threatened to move back to Atlanta several times. I've thought about it a lot. (I've also thought about moving to Austin although I've never been there.) I know I'm starting to get antsy for a move. For my entire life I've moved every two or three years on average. We even moved during our six+ years in Atlanta - we moved two blocks from our first house into the adorable cape cod. I know I won't want to stay in Kohler forever. This is a great place to raise a family but I am struggling through this winter. Being in Atlanta made me long for some place warmer. The good news about Kohler is that it's relatively bug free. Cockroaches can survive a nuclear blast but they can't survive a winter in the frozen tundra...

We threatened to move the entire time we lived in Atlanta. We looked and looked. When this job came open for Jim at International Paper and they agreed to move us to Kohler, we knew we'd struck gold. Jim never would have left IP. He loved his boss Wayne and he had four other designers (one was his mentor) that he truly respected and considered good friends. But now the real reason that bound me to this location is gone. I'm starting to think about a move. It could literally be years until I get around to it. But I can feel it coming. Whether it's to Atlanta or Austin or some location out west, I'm starting to mentally prepare myself to go.

A move to me represents a fresh start. If I make it through nursing school I would love to work at a really big hospital. I can always come back to Kohler, but I would like to get that kind of experience under my belt. As much as I would like to think that I'll be able to stay here for the rest of my life, I have to admit that I have way too much wanderlust for that. I would like my kids to have more life experience than is available to them in Kohler. I guess taking each day as it comes is the right thing to do. I hate thinking about these things and making plans without Jim. It just doesn't seem right. My best friend, my lover, my sounding board, my partner in crime isn't here to feed the excitement. Of course if I went back to Atlanta I would have good friends to feed my excitement and help me plan. But it's just not the same without the guy I love so much.

It was a good trip back. It got me thinking. It got me going. It got me really contemplating my plans for the future. I have been doing that, but seeing Sara and Paul helped me realize that it's okay to go back. It's okay to keep old friendships while forging new ones. It's okay to appreciate Kohler for what it is and still want to move elsewhere. Because heaven knows I've only been here for nearly 4 years and the winters are already starting to get to me. I don't know how many more I can survive! :)