This blog is for Jim Marventano's family and friends to review his status and updates while he goes through treatment for Stage IV Colon Cancer. We can beat it together!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Anniversaries

Today is a double anniversary for us. The first is a happy anniversary - September 13, 2005 is when we moved into our house here in Kohler. We were so excited. We didn't have any furniture here yet. We left Rachel with my parents, packed up a futon and blankets, and we came down to wait for the movers. We were kid free and furniture free - boy was it a fun night. We figured out something to do. And now we have Jake.

September 13, 2006 is the day that Jim was diagnosed with cancer. We couldn't believe it when they told us. Right up until they spelled it out for us, we never once imagined cancer. We really didn't have any reason to, and I don't think any doctor would have guessed it either. We were stunned. And it felt like we got everything we ever wanted, but we only got it for one year.

Too bad cancer - we still have everything. We still have love, family, friendship, and each other. I hate you cancer. I HATE YOU. But I would rather eat my foot than let you win. You don't get to beat us. We beat you because we still have it all and even after Jim's gone, we'll STILL have it all because of the person that Jim is - he will live forever.

It's an emotional day for me. Janet and I are reading a couple of books on death. The books all mention that people can indicate that it is close to their time to go. They tell some sort of a story that includes a journey, finishing something, arriving at a destination...that kind of thing. The book my mom and dad sent, called Final Gifts, gives fairly specific instructions on how to talk to someone who is dying, because often times they are trying to communicate something and family members just blow it off thinking the patient is over medicated or having hallucinations.

Well, last night at 2:30 am he said something to me. He was buzzing his chair up and down (I gave him about 5 minutes of constant buzzing) and I finally asked him if he was okay.
Jim: Yes, I'm fine - why?
me: Well, you seem uncomfortable.

Jim: I'm not uncomfortable, I'm trying to finish something.
me: Finish what? {Rising panic}{Mental note, Kate - don't blow off what he says because there might be a hidden message}

Jim: I need to finish my jokes.
me: What jokes? Who are you going to tell them to?

Jim: I don't know...but I like an audience.

By this time I'm pretty much upset. I sat with him and cried. He does like an audience. He tells great jokes. And as a kid, he loved to put on magic shows and tell jokes for his family and friends. The first person I thought of was his pastor as a kid, Jack. Jim used to tell Jack so many jokes that Jack actually mentioned it during our wedding ceremony. And better yet, Jack told Jim a joke. During the ceremony. Pretty cool.

I don't know what this whole conversation meant. Maybe it meant nothing. Maybe it was ramblings from a guy who is really, really tired. This morning I talked to my friends Susan and Judy about it and Judy pointed out that we read What to Expect When You're Expecting with a grain of salt. She's right. Maybe I'm getting too literal at this point and over thinking things. {No, not you, Kate, you're completely rational and would never over think anything...}

I'm teary and emotional today. We're all tired - Janet's been working with Jake and the house 24/7; Jim Sr. has nearly completed the basement in record time; and I'm flapping around barely able to remember my name, trying to figure out if I'm emotionally scarring Rachel for life. It's nonstop fun here. But at the same time, we are having happy moments. It's just harder to absorb them on a day like today.

Two anniversaries today, and Jim's working on his jokes performance. I have no idea what this all means. We could have months, weeks, or days left with Jim. But if he's dreaming of and talking about jokes, I'm good with that. Jim will always have an audience that loves and adores him.

17 Comments:

Blogger Judester said...

Mom called this morning and told me about Jimmy needing to finish his jokes and that he liked an audience. And you know what? I laughed. Yes, I laughed, and then I laughed through the tears. Jimmy was never happier than when there was laughter - best was when he was causing that laughter- verbal jokes, practical jokes, it didn't matter. So, I'm pretty happy that he's focusing on those jokes now and even in his current state had a punch line for you. I know he'll have St. Peter in stitches before he walks through the pearly gates, and then when I arrive, he'll have just the perfect joke for me - once again proving he is indeed the funny one of the two of us.

12:15 PM

 
Blogger Michele S-R said...

Beth Anne (Peris) turned me on to your blog... I am just overwhelmed by emotion when I think about what you and your family are going through. I have thought about Jim everyday since I heard about his illness.

Every memory of Jim, from kindergarten through high school brings a smile to my face. What a genuine friend! Even when he was hitting me up for that extra nickel everyday during lunch period, he would flash that charming smile of his and then, well, how could you say no?

Our graduation party was quite an event, as I recall. Another testament to Jim's ability to maintain friendships through the years. The five of us (Jim, me, Dave, Stephanie, and Craig) grew up together and, at one time or another, we were each close friends with one another. Coming together that day for what seemed like our last hurrah as friends is truly one of the fondest memories I have from my school years.

Sounds like Jim is just the man we always knew he would be; devoted father, loving husband, generous son, and genuine friend.

My heart aches for you and your family, Kate. Prayers and love are coming your way daily from me and my family (the Schepisi's).

Michele

1:59 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Judy,you are so right...Jimmy loved to laugh.I think one of the hardest times I have ever laughed was with Jim...2 words, barbershop chair!!! He'll know what I'm talking about!!!! Love you all and give Jim a big hug for me!!!!! Jer

7:41 PM

 
Blogger The Oakleys said...

Kate, you are wonderful. My heart aches for you, Jim, Rachel, Jake, Janet, Big Jim & Judi. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I only wish that I could do more. Please let Jim know that I always loved to be part of his audience. We are all waiting for his "whopper" of a joke.
Love ya. Ask Jim if he remembers the M,M&M roller skating rink...

9:13 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's a joke for Jimmy!

A fish goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation. Patti looks at the fish in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The fish says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the fish says that his name is Rainbow Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The fish says, "Sure, I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain fly rod and reel, about an inch long; detailed and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a fish named Rainbow Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny rod & reel. "I mean, what the heck is this??" The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick-knack, Patti Whack. Give the fish a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

6:37 AM

 
Blogger Unknown said...

Jim and Kate-
I log on to the blog every morning and everytime I see the title "Jim's beating the cancer", I think how true that is. We were very lucky to grow up in a church where laughter was a huge part of the service. I'm glad to see Jim hasn't lost that, especially now. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and your family.

Christine (Burton)

7:13 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi-
You have no idea who I am Kate, and I am sure Jim will not remember either, but I wanted to let you know that your blog is amazing. Jim and I went to the same High School in Henrietta and we had friends who were the same. I was friends with Vicki Marston and Chuck Robbins and I am sure he will remember them. I read your blog everyday (Karen O'Brien-Lampman got me started). You are a wonderful writer and you have a wonderful family. I can not imagine what you are going through, but wanted to know that you are truly touching the lives of many with your words. It is so strange that I have never met you or your kids but I think of you everyday and pray for you every night. Let Jim know that there are people all over Henrietta that are thinking and praying for him!
Mary Anne(RH Sperry Class of '86)

7:42 AM

 
Blogger Tracy said...

Dear Kate,

I grew up in the same neighborhood as Jimmy, went to school with him (K-12) and recently heard about this horible news from Sue and Ellen Johnson. I cannot express how sad I am for you. I am so sorry this is happening. It's not fair! I lost touch with him after HS, but have funny memories of him in our science class with Mr. Davidson. Jimmy was always joking and even making the teacher laugh. Your blog is amazing. A real tribute to your husband. I can see the depth of love you share and have for your children. Your an amazing wife and mother. I will pray every day for all of you. You are in my heart and prayers. God bless.

Tracy Bruehs (Brown)

11:27 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kate -- hope you got my rambling voicemail the other day.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and wonder how I would handle things. Admiration is an understatement. You have always been a beautiful strong person but your strength over the past year amazes me.

Every day I say a prayer for Jim as well as you and the kids. And, my neighborhood, family, friends, co-workers, people in the grocery store line, my mail man, drycleaner, etc., etc. are praying for you. Your story is heartbreaking but inspirational and I have shared it with many.

You and your family are surrounded by the thoughts and prayers of many. We love you.

Niki, Dan, Carly and Jack Campbell

1:18 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is so true...... all of R-H is praying for you. Just like everyone else who reads this blog, thoughts of Jim, Kate and all of the Marventanos are what consumes our thoughts on a daily basis. Prayers are said for every one of you each night. Many of us didn't even know Jim well enough to call him a friend, but remember enough of him from high school to be incredibly saddened by how this horrible situation could happen to such a fun, popular, nice guy.

I know I speak for many when I say that this blog and Jim's story has changed the way every one of us thinks about our marriages, our children, our high school friends and the people we care about. Kate, maybe we didn't get the miracle we were all hoping and praying for, but Jim's story and your beautiful literary tribute to him during this journey is its own miracle - because Jim's story, your story, the MARVENTANO story...has touched our lives. We'll all hug our families a little tighter, love each other a little better and remember you and Jim a whole lot longer.

I'd like to think that, as a wife and mother myself, I would be able to muster the strength, grace and courage you've shown when faced with the horror of cancer. But the bold truth is that I would never even come close. It can't be said enough... you are amazing!

And don't we all hope, at the end of our lives, that we will be so loved and adored by so many who knew us or knew of us?!

Jim, you have created a beautiful legacy. Your spirit will live on and be reflected in your lovely wife and children. You will be remembered not only with incredible sadness, but also with sweet laughter - from your audience.

Kate, I know you'd trade anything in a second to have your life back with Jim, without cancer. I wish I could help you. But I hope, on some level, it brings you comfort to know that your words, the love you share with Jim and Jim's ultimate sacrifice has bettered many of us who have taken so much for granted. For that, I am eternally grateful. All of you will forever remain in my heart.

11:12 PM

 
Blogger Linda O'Connor said...

Jim:

I want to know if you were involved in the planning or the execution of the "Big Boy" caper?

We love you,
Bernie and Linda O'C

11:36 AM

 
Blogger Cardenas (Mularz) said...

Kate:
I can not imagine how hard this is for you and the rest of the family. You know that you will always have support from your friends and family. Please let Jimmy know we all want to hear his jokes one more time.

5:14 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kate! I'm thinking about you and praying for you.

5:23 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kate, I loved this. God bless!

I am standing on the sea shore,
A ship sails in the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.
She is an object of beauty and I stand watching her
Till at last she fades on the horizon and someone at my side says:
"She is gone."

Gone! Where?
Gone from my sight, that is all.
She is just as large in the masts, hull and spars as she was when I saw her
And just as able to bear her load of living freight to its destination.
The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me,
not in her.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says,
"She is gone",
There are others who are watching her coming, and other voices take up a glad shout:
"There she comes"
- and that is dying. An horizon and just the limit of our sight.
Lift us up, Oh Lord, that we may see further.

Bishop Brent
1862 - 1926

5:33 PM

 
Blogger The Oakleys said...

I have been trying to figure out what I wanted to say to my dear friend Jimmy. I found it in the lyrics to a song from the musical, Wicked. The song is called "For Good"...


I'm limited:
Just look at me –
I'm limited
And just look at you -
You can do all I couldn't do,

So now it's up to you
For both of us
Now it's up to you:

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you:

Because I knew you:

I have been changed for good

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes the sun.
Like a stream the meets a boulder halfway through the wood.

Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea.
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood.

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better?

And because I knew you:

Because I knew you:

Because I knew you:
I have been changed for good.

I miss Jimmy...love you.
You are now our true angel.

Best Friends Forever,
Steph

6:41 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kate,
My heart is with you and your family.
Ann

6:47 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i miss jimmy too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7:46 AM

 

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