Happy Thanksgiving

Well we had a nice visit to Rochester for Thanksgiving. I was nervous as hell getting on the plane alone with two kids, but it worked out well and the kids were pretty good. Actually, Rachel was an ANGEL, Jake made it through without embarrassing me too badly. Although on the way home today he did manage to pelt a woman in the back of her head with his pacifier. Oh geez.

I was nervous about going to Rochester. After all, it's my first time staying at my in-laws house since Jim passed away. I was terrified that we'd all be sitting around staring at each other. Me there, without their son. I know it has to be painful for them. It was painful for me. Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday, and I am thankful for the blessings I have, but one of my biggest blessings is gone. And it's painfully obvious. But it wasn't awkward at the Marventanos. We had lots of activities planned. Rachel saw The Nutcracker for the first time, and she loved it. She tried to pirouette a couple of times and then realized what she was doing, so she turned it into a stretch and a yawn. Funny. And we met Jim's friend/cousin Jeri and her two girls at the children's museum, which is wonderful. We had a great time. Judi and I had a couple of really good talks. And best of all, I got to go out with our friends Mark and Terri one night. We were out until after midnight, which I have to say is pretty darn good because Terri is 8 months pregnant.

Traveling to Rochester has never been my favorite thing. I hate Rochester. I've hated it since we moved there my junior year in high school. I have so many hang-ups and animosity about Rochester that it's almost silly. But this trip was better. I was able to let some things go. I was able to appreciate it for my kids. Rachel and Jake were delighted to see their Mimi and Papa. And Aunt Judi, Uncle Mark, Kirsten and Sean have been raised to demi-God status. I saw Jeri, Mark, and Terri - all people I really wanted to see. We had a wonderful dinner at Thanksgiving, complete with a fun sangria and my favorite Senator Potatoes.

Throughout this whole experience I've been wondering: is this some kind of plan? And who was the shitty designer that came up with this plan? (Jim would be appalled at such lazy design work!) But I sat down one night and cheated - I read the last chapter of Why Bad Things Happen to Good People. (Spoiler alert!) I finally realized there isn't a plan. God didn't make this happen. He didn't even let this happen. It just happened. It's my job to take the experience and either make Jim's passing something special by having his memory live on in a positive way, or make myself and everyone around me miserable by continually asking questions for which I'll never find answers.

My prayers for Jim's healing weren't answered in the way that I hoped. But my prayers were answered for my own healing, and eventually, for that of my kids. God put the wonderful village of Kohler in our paths. I have so many friends and relatives that love me and the kids. People have reached out to me from all over the earth. People have stopped to listen and ask how I'm doing. They reach out to me by cutting my lawn, making us dinner, and calling me to talk about the Bachelor. (Another blog post: the season finale was terrible!)

I choose to take this experience and make something positive. It's the best way to honor Jim. It's the best way to honor our relationship. It's the best way to show what kind of a person he was. I am truly thankful for every day I had with Jim. Our first holiday without Jim stunk because Jim wasn't there. But he will always be with us because of the kind of man he was. He left such an impression on so many people. I am working on "zipping it" which is the new series at our church - the last one was about complaining, which is one of my specialties. Yes, I put a link to our church. Don't get all wierd about it - don't listen to it if you don't want to. But you can listen to the sermons online and I've got to say - these are pretty cool. I am working on shutting up and being thankful for what I do have. I'm working on noticing the blessings I do have, not the ones I don't. Jim was the greatest blessing of my life. With Jim, I was blessed with two adorable, healthy children. With Jim, I was blessed with a beautiful marriage that we worked hard for - and succeeded. I can't think of any greater blessing than love.