Hope springs eternal

Thanks to those who expressed concern for me this last week. It was a tough week - it sort of slid downhill and the last blog was an accumulation of nearly a week's worth of stress. (Or did I write it on a Wednesday? In which case, it was only half a week...)

I rarely get that sad. Writing all that on the blog was a luxury - I sat here and cried and wrote. But before that, I'd cried in front of Rachel and Jake. Rachel, in an effort to make me feel better, pulled ornaments off the Christmas tree. And Jake poked me in the face. So, as you can see, crying is actually an extravagance around here that I cannot afford. And now we have a fence around our Christmas tree because the kids have broken so many ornaments.

As bad as a week can get, we also have highlights and good things. We had our annual gingerbread house decorating this year, which was really cool. All the parents were really impressed with my ability to put gingerbread houses together at this time until I finally admitted that my mom put them all together. But hey, we carried on the tradition and that was the important thing. Rachel got to hit the sledding hill in Kohler today with some friends. Jake said "banana" and "Rachel" this week. I had a lovely talk with my pastor and felt good about some recent decisions I've made. I've also been doing more prayer and meditation at night. Jim's cousin sent me a series of meditation CDs that are amazing. They really help. One of them is a "suggestion" meditation that encourages me to meditate on ways I want to improve or things I'd like to learn. So I'm meditating on being a better mom. (My example is living next-door - she's AMAZING!) I'm also meditating to balance my chakras, which, call me crazy, seems to be helping with back pain.

Alexander Pope said "Hope springs eternal from the human breast..." and I believe that to be true. I do have hope for better days to come. Yesterday wasn't my best day, and neither is today, but tomorrow might be better. Sometimes it's overwhelming being here without Jim. But I think one of the reasons that Jim loved me is that I have the ability to persevere and push on. I can look toward a new day. I might not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, but I know there's one there. And I can move forward based on faith.

{Religious bit to follow - it's a wonder I haven't been struck by lightening yet...}

Jesus said, “I am the light of the world; Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” —John 8:12, NIV - you all know that I'm not super-churchy. (Although you'd never know by reading this blog...) But the church I go to is so NOT churchy...that I actually take good information away from it because I'm comfortable there. The first time I ever quoted anything from The Bible was on this blog. But on occasion, something really resonates with me and I believe it to be true. So I think "Hope springs eternal" and "I am the light of the world" are related. I have things giving me hope, I just need to use them. I need to lean on the resources available to me right now. My friends, my family, my community, my faith, and yes, my church.

One of my favorite sayings is "Rome wasn't built in a day". But if I go around tossing that cliche out, shouldn't I listen to it? Why are my expectations so high? Can't I do things one step at a time? Is anyone really going to fault me for not having my laundry folded right away? I doubt it. Deep breaths. It will get better. Tomorrow is a new day. I can meditate on that tonight.

And p.s. - I'm about 1/2 way through the memorial cards! Maybe I'll meditate on that tonight.