On a day like today
On a day like today, there's only one person I want to talk to. And he's not here.
On a day like today, I start to wonder if this isn't some kind of mega-karma kick. You know the saying "What goes around comes around..."? Well what the hell did I do to deserve this? WHAT THE HELL DID JIM DO?
On a day like today, it doesn't matter if the sun is shining. It's not.
On a day like today, I eat an entire tin of peanut butter balls dipped in chocolate. (Thanks Mrs. D!!!)
On a day like today, I dread the mountain of paperwork. I can't bring myself to do the Memorial Cards, which loom over my head like a teetering cantilever.
On a day like today, I feel like giving up. And I wonder why I haven't given up yet. But then I get mad and tell myself that giving up is for weaklings so I should just buck up and get through it.
On a day like today, my eyes burn from crying.
On a day like today, I dread tomorrow. And the day after that.
On a day like today, no matter who I call, they can't comfort me. They just aren't Jim. And even when I do call people, they have their own lives and significant others to deal with. And what can I say anyway? That I want him back? We already know that.
On a day like today, I wonder why the person who loved me most had to leave me alone. Yeah, I know I can always call my parents. But my parents have to love me. Jim picked me - faults and all. And he still loved me.
On a day like today, turning the heat up in the house doesn't help. Jim isn't here to hug me. Nothing replaces that kind of warm.
On a day like today, I am so consumed with sadness. It's like an albatross.
On a day like today, I know I should count my blessings, but I can only count two. And they're fighting and whining.
On a day like today, I kick myself for not buying stock in Kleenex.
On a day like today, I can't quietly pray and ask God for grace. I scream at him and tell him that I want Jim back. It isn't fair. It isn't fair. It isn't fair.
On a day like today, I can't see the future. I can only see the here and now. And I'm miserable in the here and now. They tell me that things will get better, but I can't see when.
On a day like today, I just want my Jimmy back.
posted by Kate at 8:23 PM
8 Comments:
Now I need a kleenex. I wish you had your Jimmy back, too. It's not fair that two people that were so happy and shared so much love for each other shouldn't be together. Especially when so many people who are miserable live to be a hundred. I know people are going to tell you things to try and comfort you, but some days you just need to cry and scream and be angry. And that's ok. So I won't try to make you feel better but I'll cry and scream and be angry for you, too.
9:40 PM
"On a day like today",and every day, you have to know....I'm sure you've heard this before...but remember..."Across the years I (Jim) will walk with you in deep green forests,on shores of sand,and when our time on earth is through, in heaven, too, you will have my hand"
10:15 PM
On a day like today, I don't know what to say to make it better. On a day like today, I will just say, I wish it could have been different. Because you guys didn't deserve this crappy ass hand you have been dealt.
I loved your Christmas card.
6:40 AM
Be sad and angry when you need to. . .its okay. This isn't fair.
9:26 AM
Ahh Kate...(((BIG Hug))). You will make through as there simply is no other direction to go. I know personally how hard this path is. Please trust that life will get a little easier to cope with over time. You are doing great even if you are just going through the motions...especially this first Christmas without your Jim. Keep on blogging. We are still reading and holding you and your family up in our prayers. I know that Jim is so proud of you right now.
2:50 PM
This comment has been removed by the author.
3:39 PM
Hey - I posted a story about Joe Biden and then thought "Geez, that's dumb. She doesn't give a rat's ass about Joe Biden and his pain. She's got her own." So I deleted it.
Sometimes I get rather dazed thinking about life without Jim and often the thought pops into my head that there must've been a mistake and soon someone just has to be letting us know that we get Jim back. Like they put him on the wrong train, they've corrected their mistake and he'll be back with you, Rachel & Jake soon. Then I start to cry because it doesn't work like that.
4:06 PM
Hi Kate...I sound like a total dork right now, buy Celine Dion's newest CD is fantastic. Listen to song number 10.
11:43 PM
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