Cereal for dinner - again?
Sometimes I'm so confused by my choices. I started a goal setting group a few months ago, but then cancelled the meeting last night because I wanted to watch The Bachelor. (Sad, I know.) Today was another tough day of moping and low-lows. So low, in fact, that I had cereal for dinner again. My kids had only slightly better - grilled cheese, yogurt and broccoli. I just couldn't muster the gumption to fix more than that.
So then I wonder - if I'm feeling like this, why didn't I follow through with my goal setting meeting last night? It would have really recharged me. Instead I watched a bunch of floozies bawl over a guy they don't really care about in a false scenario that's supposed to set them up for love. Huh?
Where's the logic?
I have a few goals I'm working on, but I've sort of let them drop off the radar for awhile. And you know how it is...when one thing starts to slide...it's a pretty muddy slope as everything seems to pull down with the original slider. I've bristled against this kind of erosion for months, but now I'm sort of at a place where I need help working my way back up the slope.
I figure cereal for dinner is okay until I'm recharged and ready to push forward. It's just a matter of finding what's going to revive me this time.
I wonder how long my life will feel this way. The other night I was filled with anger at Jim for leaving me. Clearly he didn't have a choice, but the fact remains that it's just me here. I'm just sitting here on Friday and Saturday nights. I don't want to go out, but I don't want to stay in. I don't want to do anything with anyone except Jim. I don't want to be alone but I don't want to be with anyone.
The breaks I get are wonderful, but there's a little period of mourning after each of those. The realization that I have to go back to my "normal" life. The realization that the help I had is gone. Exhaustion sets in and I realize that I'm dragging and letting things go that at one time would have been important to me.
I need to ratchet my life back up and start working on things that make me happy. Cereal for dinner - again - is no way to live.
posted by Kate at 6:39 PM
10 Comments:
Dear Kate,
I STILL feel that way sometimes and I have supposedly weathered the storm, found love again, and moved on with life. Don't be so hard on yourself. My mom used to always tell me that I was doing the best I could and that was good enough. I didn't always believe her, but she was right. Your strength and enthusiasm are bound to waver, but eventually you will get that spring back in your step and the desire to make something wonderful for dinner! ;)
9:59 PM
If it makes you feel any better, we had cereal for dinner tonight too!! At least it's fortified with vitamins and minerals and the kids don't complain about it! That alone is a bonus! Don't be too hard on yourself.... there are far worse offenses from those who have suffered less (myself, for example).
You're making great strides, Kate. If it isn't too corny, I'll make an analogy to pregnancy. Toward the end of pregnancy, everyone says to the mom, "Wow, those 9 months went really fast!!!!" But the mom thinks that each day toward the end feels like a week!! For you, the last 7 months without Jim has been the hardest battle you've yet to face.... the rest of us are so proud of how far you've come in the face of this tragedy. I know it's much harder for you, but you're doing great. It's also great to hear from you..... I check the blog daily. Keep your chin up girl, I think you're doing better than you think!
7:29 AM
Don't feel too bad, or I have to feel worse...your niece eats cereal for dinner A LOT! And it's not even a good kind like shredded wheat. You get best mother award compared to me with grilled cheese and a veggie!
The kids and I will be there soon for a visit. It'll give you and the kids a little break. I thought it would be fun to cook with the kids. I've got some ideas for meals where even Jake can participate. You're officially excused from having to deal with dinner for the length of our visit. :-)
Much love - Jude
10:29 AM
Kate,
It's not just you, everyone feels that way, its normal. Granted not everyone has had the loss you and your family have had but the feeling are those that everyone goes through. I have felt the hum drum of life the past few weeks but a song that I heard recently has really helped me to get it back into gear. If you get a chance listen to Trace Atkins, Your goin to miss this. Its an unbelievable song and reminded to to take everything I can get. Take a small step, one you didn't the day before and feel good about it. Take another the next day and feel proud your moving forward. Small steps are better than one big one you never take. Jeri and I are always praying for you and the kids.
5:14 PM
Kate -
The kids and I have a special name for that ... "Breakfast Supper!" The kids get excited about it - really!
I get bummed about making supper frequently (for a far different reason - my husband is at work in the evenings, so it's just the kids and I every night). It gets hard making meals for just one grown-up.
You are an amazing person. See the good in your actions. All your readers do!
6:34 PM
Also guilty! We had Frosted Flakes for dinner. That's not even a healthy cereal. I realize that is hardly your point. I think that Spring getting here (finally!) is a great shot in the arm. But I do know a little about how you feel. My ex husband traveled for months at a time. It was hard to get excited to cook good dinners for people that would turn their noses up. And whenever someone would watch the kids for me, there was always that feeling when I came home that it was just me and it was back to reality. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are doing the best you can in a crappy situation. We think of you often and send our prayers.
Christine
9:18 AM
We had doughnuts for dinner,3 each!!! J
7:41 PM
Kate,
Bob and I sometimes have popcorn and ice cream for dinner! The first time I did that, Bob was traveling and I was home alone. I talked to myself for a long time before deciding it was "okay" to eat that. Your kids are healthy and growing-that's all that matters. You are doing an amazing job! Please take the time to listen to the david m. bailey CD that I gave you. There's a lot of comfort in his words.
10:32 AM
Kate,
We still have you in our thoughts and prayers.
Frankie and Joan Castellana
7:11 PM
How are things going Kate? We miss hearing from you.
7:51 AM
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